I’ve written about Lucy before, and I’m sure you could find my posts about her if you tried. I’m not going to link them here though, because I’ve been feeling a little paranoid. See this friend of mine, whom I call Lucy, started her own blog recently. On wordpress. And I’m afraid she’ll find the things I’ve written about her.
I’ve made it no secret that I dislike Lucy. I think she’s too clingy, too insecure, and tries to hard to insert herself into my friend group. If I had just stated that about her I would have no qualms about her possibly finding my blog, but I’ve written about things we’ve done together and people we both know. If anyone from my life found my blog, I have no doubts that they’d know it was me.
Other than the anonymity concerns I have with Lucy making a blog, I feel like she’s being too much like me. She and I are in all the same activities, we enjoy all the same things, we even have the same body type and look kind of similar. This blog thing is just the tip of the iceberg.
Of course, Lucy doesn’t know I have a blog on wordpress, so this wasn’t intentional. I think that almost makes it worse.
The problem is, her blog isn’t anonymous. She put her full name up there for everyone to see. She linked it to her Twitter and invited all her friends to read it. And it’s because of this that I start to get worried.
I’m afraid she does me better than me.
It’s bold to put your name, your full name, on your blog. It makes me look like a coward, hiding behind my fake identity.
I’m afraid I’m getting replaced.
She’s been kissing up to all my friends, trying to get them to like her. I can’t stand it. She makes me feel territorial, which is a really ugly feeling. She tries to hard to make them like her. But you know what, it works. Some of them do like her. And they added her into the group message all of us have, which was like a slap in the face for me. Especially since Maroon, my “best friend” was the one that added her. I loved that group message because it was one of the only things Lucy wasn’t a part of, and though she may force herself into every other circle of my life, she couldn’t force herself into a group message.
Apparently I was wrong.
And since we do all the same things – colorguard and newspaper and writing in our free time – I’m afraid that whatever I add to my group of friends, she does it better.
I’m afraid that I’m the only one who thinks she’s fake and trying too hard to be everyone’s friend.
Why don’t my other friends see her like I see her? I do spend a lot of time with her, not by choice, but because of our extracurriculars, but isn’t it obvious how fake she is just to gain friends?
Lucy, if you’ve read this, by now you know it’s you I’m talking about. And I know you have your insecurities and that’s what drives you to take my friends, but please understand, I have insecurities too. And fears. And I know it would be better to express all this to you in person, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And I didn’t want to be a bully and just kick you out. But I can’t take much more of you.