Slight Friendship Crisis

The other day one of my friends, someone I’m not really that familiar with, came up and asked if Maroon, my best friend, was dating one of our mutual friends. I’ll call this boy Silver.

I told her of course not, I would know if Maroon and Silver were dating. She’s my best friend for goodness sake! I would be the first to know something serious like that. I did get what this friend was saying though, Maroon and Silver had seemed closer than normal…but whatever. They weren’t dating. I was sure of it.

Then this girl I was talking to ran over to Minty, who is also friends with Maroon and Silver, and asked her if Maroon and Silver were dating.

She said they were.

Here’s the problem I have with Minty. She always tries to one-up me in everything. Especially when it comes to Maroon. It’s like she’s always trying to prove that she and Maroon are closer than Maroon and I are, that she’s really best friends with Maroon and I’m not. So the fact that Minty had different information about Maroon’s love life than I had didn’t sit well with me. It’s like she had won.

I went over to Minty and some of our other friends and talked to them about Maroon and Silver. It turned out that Maroon and Silver were dating. They were dating, have been for three and half months, and I didn’t know. Maroon didn’t tell me. But she told Minty.

My mind was blown. First of all because Maroon and Silver were dating. I thought that idea was a bad one, for reasons I’ll explain later. I was also shocked that Maroon and told Minty and not me. It was like Minty finally won the little competition we had over Maroon.

Ugh. So I’ve been having a slight crisis. I thought Maroon and I were best friends. We have been friends since third grade. That’s nine years. Do nine years of friendship mean nothing? Why would she not tell me about a major relationship in her life for three months? Or at all, since I didn’t even find out about it from her.

If Maroon had talked to me about her dating Silver or liking Silver or whatever, I would have advised against it. Silver is too… foul. I mean, he’s a good kid and all that. I’m friends with him. But he swears too much for my liking (which is fine in itself, I guess, but I think it shows immaturity and a lack of a vocabulary) and it’s obvious he’s got some issues. Silver moved to our high school in the middle of sophomore year because his parents got a divorce. He soon made it clear that not only had his parents gotten a divorce, but his dad completely left him.

Silver’s got daddy issues, relationship issues in general. So he’s unstable, dangerous to be in a relationship with. That much has been obvious from his last three girlfriends.

That’s something I would have told Maroon. Look at his last relationship. How did that end? And the one before that? Do you really want to be simply a part of a list of girlfriends or have a relationship that matters?

Silver is insecure. He’s kind of needy when it comes to relationships (not annoyingly needy, but he doesn’t have regular friendships. I bet dating him would come with extra strings attached as well). A confident, secure person might have trouble balancing Silver’s needs and issues with their own, and Maroon (bless her heart) is not someone I would describe as confident or secure.

Maroon’s parents are divorced as well, which I think makes a huge difference when it comes to dating relationships. How are you supposed to create a healthy relationship when you don’t have an example? And on top of this Maroon has admitted to me her insecurities about dating, pressures her mom and sisters have put on her. So the only relationship advice she’s really getting is from Minty, who couldn’t date her way out of a paper bag (her social life is a mess).

Basically, I think Silver and Maroon are too similar. They have the same problems and would have no idea how to help one another. Silver will drag her down.

But I didn’t get the chance to say any of that because Maroon opened up to Minty, not to me.

I confronted Maroon about this. I went up to her after school one day and asked her about her and Silver. She made a face and said she wasn’t too sure about the relationship, which is why she had been hesitant in telling people.

She wasn’t too sure. But she’s been dating him for three months.

Maroon is too against confrontation to tell someone straight up what she thinks. Especially if she thinks that will hurt someone’s feelings. But now she’s made it worse, because when she and Silver do break up it will be harder on Silver. (According to Maroon, he’s really into her.) If she wasn’t sure she shouldn’t have started dating him in the first place.

When I was talking to her Maroon seemed very embarrassed and very closed-mouthed. She didn’t have a lot to say about her and Silver. I didn’t even bother telling her that my feelings were hurt by her telling Minty and not me. This whole relationship was obviously Minty’s doing. She must have heard about Silver’s interest in Maroon and encouraged Maroon to accept him so Minty wouldn’t be the only one of our friends with a dating history.

I don’t really know what to do about that. Or this whole Maroon/Silver thing. I guess Maroon and I aren’t really best friends.

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3 thoughts on “Slight Friendship Crisis

  1. I apologize ahead of time for my two cents I’m about to offer. I just can’t help it because I was once in similar shoes as yours. My best friend, still are, going on 23 years dated somebody I knew in my gut was wrong for her. He was all wrong. He was the typical bad boy, but she was not about to listen. Because I failed to aceept this “fling” I lost touch with her. It was not from her moving away. It was from my lack of accepting her relationship even though I did not approve. Finally, I just could not stand the distance. I chose to (somewhat) accept the relationship. I accepted it because it was what she wanted to do at the time. Her choice. Her life is not mine. I cannot tell her what to do. I can give my opinion, but that does not guarantee she will take it. So I listened to her relstionship problems. Over and over. She finally realized it was bad for her.
    I cannot tell you why your friend chose to tell Minty and not you. Maybe she had an idea of how you would feel about it. My best friend knew how I would react. As a best friend, or any friend, our job is to be there through it all. Your friend may not be in a fitting relationship for herself, but she needs to learn that. When she does, you be there with her favorite ice cream and movie to help her move on. Or whatever she may need at the time. I know you are frustrated with your friend’s choice, but let her learn. I’m sure she is a bright young lady. Her mind is just clouded from other things. It happens. She’ll either come down from cloud 9 or not. If you are willing to accept her decision, then I hope you will continue to be her rock. Don’t let this come between you two.
    As I have said, I cannot tell you what to do. I hope you make the right decision for yourseld either way 🙂 Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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