The Person I Hate The Most

Her name is Abby F.. She’s an idiot.

Okay, the title is a little dramatic. But in the short 16 years I have lived on this planet I don’t think I have ever hated someone more. She’s so stupid and she acts like she’s better than everyone else, better than me… And I had to spend so much time with her, since we both were in colorguard.

Ugh.

First her stupidity was just funny. Abby could easily be described as a dumb blonde. The stuff she would sayt hilarious, like one time she asked, “What’s that holiday that Hanukkans celebrate?” I was around her a lot, because we had the same extracurricular. She was so dumb, and so bad at guard, everything she did was a joke. She wore her blush way too red for performances, when she practiced she wouldn’t do anything right and people would constantly have to fix her. She wouldn’t be able to do tosses and tricks like the rest of us. Abby was just another member of our team, nothing special, and occasionally me and a couple of my friends would look over at her and shake our heads.

Abby is a grade ahead of me, so she graduates from high school next week. Honestly, I’m really glad I’ll never have to see her again, but more on that later.

Last year during the winterguard season, when I was a sophomore on varisty and she was a junior on jv, she was made an officer on jv. It was the first time we really had officers on jv, probably because it was one of the first times we had had upperclassmen on jv. I was just glad I didn’t have to deal with her, because Abby went crazy.

She started calling herself captain of jv. She got super power hungry, yelled at everyone all the time, bossed them around, acted as if she was in charge. And I guess, in a way, she was. Of jv. The varsity winterguard was very small that year, and we just kind of watched from the outside and stayed out of Abby’s way. I felt bad for my friends on jv, but there was really nothing we could do. Abby was crazy.

So she was captain, sort of, she started taking all this power, but she wasn’t getting any better. She was still one of the worst performers on jv. Many of the freshmen could do stuff she couldn’t. And my friend Lucy was getting all the solos, not the supposed captain (which is usually how guard works). Abby was verbally abusing people, and she didn’t have the skill to back it up. There was no clear reason for her to be in charge. She never knew what was going on, she made idiotic decisons, she was mean to people, and she wasn’t even good at colorguard.

It didn’t concern me though, so I didn’t worry about it too much.

Then leadership tryouts came around. Leadership for marching season, which is a much bigger deal than winterguard. This was before my junior year (before this blog was born). I tried out without much hope of making it. Rumors were going around about who was going to be the next captain of the colorguard, the next officers. Lucy kept saying it was either going to be her and Caroline (they were both officers on jv) or me and Taylor (we were both on varsity. There were no officers on varsity). I didn’t know whether to be offended (like she actually thought she would be an officer over me?) or honored, since we all had been saying since freshman year that Taylor was going to be captain when we were seniors.

Results came out: the leaders were me, Taylor, and Caroline. Not Lucy. Needless to say, that caused drama.

There were also four seniors that were leaders as well: a girl I’ve called Queenie in past posts, Tess, Cam, and Abby.

I was pretty surprised Abby and Cam made leader. They were both laughably bad at guard, though I would never say that to their faces. Cam was nice, most of the time. But Abby? Why was she made a leader?

I’ll never forget the day our director at the time sat us down to work out which girls would be in our squads. She looked at Abby and Cam and said, “You two are not good enough to have your own squad. You aren’t talented and can’t do everything. You will share a squad.”

As rude as that statement was, Abby and Cam took it well, just glad to be leaders I guess. Taylor, Caroline, and I took this comment to mean something along the lines of “You two aren’t really leaders, just like assistant leaders,” as in, we were more leaders than they were. Abby  and Cam, however, assumed since they were seniors that they were better than us and could push us around.

There were conflicts.

I won’t get into detail about it, but Abby slowly became the bane of my existance. She would tell everyone something and I would have to correct it, because she was wrong. She would do something and I would have to undo it. She broke people down, I had to build them back up. I had people coming to me that I had to defend against her, people coming to me that would complain about her. She was a bully, a tyrant. She stressed me out. There was one competition she gave everyone the wrong information, so parts of our costumes got lost. Because of information she yelled at everyone. Our director was very angry, but he didn’t blame her. He might have not known it was her. He yelled at all of us.

I felt responsible. Irrational as that might have been, I felt that it was my job as a leader to make this colorguard great, and whatever mistakes we made as a group rested on my shoulders. Including the mistakes that Abby made. It was my job to clean up her crap.

After our director yelled at us and everyone got off the bus, I stayed behind and searched for the missing costume pieces. Only a couple were there. I was stressed.

That was the day I had my first mental breakdown. I laid down on one of the bus seats, it wasn’t even my seat, and just cried. I lay there just sobbing for a while. I was stressed. Abby was making a mess, none of the other leaders were cleaning it up, in fact some were making it worse. And there was nothing I could do.  I couldn’t talk to Abby. She didn’t respect me as a leader, or as a person. I just lay there, a blob of stress.

I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. And that wasn’t for lack of trying. My friends didn’t quite understand, my parents didn’t want to hear me complain about something they were paying a lot of money for me to do, and I didn’t have anywhere else to turn. But to keep my stress to myself was unbearable.

So I made this blog. My thoughts had to go somewhere. I thought maybe no one would read it, maybe it would be like talking to myself, but I got readers. Not as many as some blogs maybe, but there are some. And I’m really thankful for them.

This blog exists because of the stress I felt, and much of that stress came from Abby. I clashed with her quite often. Towards the end of the year, these past few months, she actually became scared of me. She would send other people to tell me things. I’ve always been quicker with words than she, and never afraid of confrontation. I beat her in every verbal battle we had. So she started avoiding them.

So, obviously, as the seniors prepare to graduate and the rest of us worry about the new leaders for next year, I can look back on what happened and confidently say that out of the seven of us, Abby was probably the worst leader. And the others would most likely agree with me.

But last night at Band Banquet, the band directors were giving out awards. And Abby got one. It wasn’t “most insane” or anything like that. She was one of three studnets that recieved the “most outstanding student leader” award.

It became clear as the awards went on that the director were trying to recognize every senior in some way, to make their last high school function as special as possible. So maybe Abby got that award because she hadn’t gotten anything else yet.

But when I heard her name called, it was like a slap in the face from the band directors. If she  appeared outstanding to the band directors, it was because the others, mostly me, made her look good by cleaning up all her messes, picking up all the broken pieces she left behind.

When I heard that name called, it reminded me how much I hated Abby F.

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