I have jumped back into the novel I was working on during Camp Nanowrimo. When I stopped, I was right before a pretty climatic part of my story, but its only going to be good if I write it well. I’m getting closer to it every day. I hope I don’t mess it up.

I wish I could just write all day and not go to school and do pointless busy work assignments. I wish I could just say to my teachers, “hey, I want to be a writer, so I’m just going to work on achieving my dreams and setting up my future career, okay?”

Yeah, that would go over well. Potential writers don’t exactly get a lot of support.

Something I like to think about while writing is this: My skills and abilities right now are the best they’ve ever been. I find it really encouraging to think that I’m getting better at writing, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. Of course, that also comes with looking at my earlier work and realizing that it is crap, though I thought it was the best thing ever at the time.

(Of course the moment I stop working on my story to blog a song from the Pirates of the Carribbean soundtrack comes on. Just to make me want to go back to my pirate-y story.)

It’s kind of funny, as I’m writing I keep checking my word count, like I’m still doing Nanowrimo and still need to record that. I’ve gotten above 50,000 and it makes me excited every time I see such a large number. I’m not sure what my word count is at the moment (and I really should be adding more to it instead of blogging…) but it’s close to 55k.

This is a very off topic post, I’m sorry. I’m going to switch topics again.

My drivers test is scheduled for August 11th at 2:20. Not the date I wanted, but it’s a date at least. My mom called in and scheduled it while I was at school. She was texting me very carefully, afraid I would be mad. I was kind of mad, not at her, but I was mostly just tired. Tired of being mad, tired of being disappointed, tired of being frustrated with myself and with my parents. I just want to be done with it all and move on to the next stage of my life.

If I had any energy left to be disappointed, the thing I would be most disappointed about would be that I will take my drivers test after my seventeenth birthday. Just a little over a month after. At least if I got my license while I was sixteen I’d be able to say “I got my license when I was sixteen” and make it sound like I got it on my sixteenth birthday, which was my goal. Now I can’t even pretend my life went as planned without straight up lying. I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter, it won’t matter once I can drive.

I hope this blog is around for my future children to read so they’re grateful when I’m teaching them to drive. They will get their driver’s license the day they turn 16.

Off topic again: I’m stressed about colorguard. And also tired of it, though I can’t say that to anyone because I promised my friends I would stick with it for all four years and my parents pay a lot of money so I can do it. It’s not my passion, and it takes up SO much of my time. I want to be good at it, I want to advance within it and make sabre line, but I don’t want to put in the extra time to practice. I bring my sabre home, but then I sit down and write for three hours and ignore it. I can’t imagine surviving one more band camp or one more marching season. I just wish it was over already, all of high school, so I can go to college and learn how to adult.

My mom says this feeling is called “senioritis”. I have senioritis and my junior year hasn’t even finished yet. Great.

But here’s a plot twist: I’m going to be co-captain this next season. Tryouts start tomorrow, so I guess my co-captainship officially begins tomorrow. I will be working with this really great girl Taylor, whom I’ve been friends with in the guard for a while. She loves guard, and she’s not crazy like the other people who were on the leadership team this past year. We work really well together. I’m excited about all this, but I just feel like I’m lying to people when I have to do captain-y things, lying when I encourage people, lying when I talk excitedly about guard. I don’t want to step down from leadership, but I feel like a fraud.

Hopefully that will change once I get thrown back into all the practices and stuff.

We also get a new guard director tomorrow. Our last one quit/got fired. So this will be my fourth director in four years. That needs to be a whole other post, I’m not goingto get into it here. But I will get to meet this new guy on the first day of tryouts on the first day I’m co-captaining. So much guard things.

That’s all I have to say today. I thought my writer’s block would go away if I blogged but it definitely hasn’t. I’ll just write more tomorrow. Right now I want to watch some Pirates of the Carribbean.


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