Allow me to be a typical teenager for one second: my parents don’t understand me.
It’s been said or whined by every incredibly annoying 13 to 19 year old, in books, in movies, in real life, but it’s happening to me. I can’t seem to impress upon my parents how important it is for me to have my driver’s license. Right now. I already described my frustration about this in another post (Why I Don’t Have My Driver’s License) but now there’s more.
April 25th came and passed (obviously, since it’s May). There is nothing special about April 25th, except for the fact that it was the day last year that I got my permit. I was more than a little upset that the day was April 25th and not January 2nd. If it was January 2nd I would have had my permit for six months and then have been able to get my license on my birthday, July 2nd. Since I actually got it on April 25th, the soonest I could get my license was October 25th. Smack dab in the middle of marching season, when I have after school practice every day after school, not to mention that was also the start of my junior year (the hardest year of high school) and during that semester had a class that caused me various mental breakdowns which led to the creation of this blog.
Okay, the blog thing is good, but April 25th of 2015 was not a good day for me. I promised myself that somehow I would get my license before December 25th. Like a Christmas present to myself. I knew that it was going to be a struggle and was not what I had planned originally, but I was going to make it work.
Yeah, that didn’t happen. And I didn’t get it before having my permit for a year either. I still don’t have it. And this is a very touchy subject for me and a source of extreme embarrassment. I am one of the few of my friends that does not have their license.
So, whatever. I’ve been trying to balance my life the best I can and sometimes that means asking my parents to take me driving gets pushed to the back burner. It’s not really a priority because I feel like I’ve already failed. Talking about driving, trying to convince my parents to take me, even writing about it, all of it gives me this yucky feeling inside so I just avoid it, even though that’s the opposite if what I should be doing.
Anyway, all that rambling is to say: I’m extremely self-conscious about the fact that I don’t have my driver’s license, it makes me feel like a failure and a dependent flop of a person that isn’t advancing anywhere in life. So when my dad made a joke about an hour ago in front of my brother, my friend and her dad, and the joke ended with something like “Why don’t you have your driver’s license? Where’s your driver’s license?” I’m sure my reaction is understandable.
I just scrunched up my face and looked at him and said, “That’s rude.”
And as the tears started coming despite themselves my dad said, “What, too far?”
Please understand: I love my dad. We don’t fight or disagree. He doesn’t pick on me or normally make me cry. What really got me wasn’t anything he said but the fact that he didn’t understand how much his words hurt me. Probably still doesn’t.
So after we got home I looked at the calender then asked my dad, “What are we doing May 27th?” He said nothing much, so I responded with, “That’s the day I’m going to take my drivers test.”
He made various almost excuses, like that we would have to call in and we might not be able to reserve a test this close to the day. They were the kind of excuses parents make when they want to say no to you later instead of in the moment. But I’m done putting it off. For over a year now I’ve thought to myself, “If it get it by this date it’ll be okay, this is the latest it’ll go, I’ll be taking my test before the end of this month.” All of those plans blew up in my face because my driving ability is not a priority on my parents’ to-do list. This is the last date, the last deadline. It will happen on May 27th.
How can I possibly make my parents understand that this is important to me? I am a social burden to my friends, always the one that has to be picked up and dropped off when we do anything. I can’t take myself places, I can’t be part of certain clubs because I won’t have a ride to or from school. In high school, life is divided between those who can drive and those who can’t. I am on the wrong side of that divide. And I have been for an embarrassingly long amount of time.
I’ll nag, I’ll beg, I’ll try my hardest, but something tells me that no matter what I do I won’t be getting my license on May 27th. Because after my dad made a few almost excuses about setting up the test he said:
“Are you even ready?”
I mean, I’ve been driving for over a year. Admittedly, that’s not very often because it’s only when mom doesn’t need to cook dinner and you don’t have a game to watch. So no, dad, maybe I’m not ready. Maybe I’ll take the test on the 27th and fail.
But last time I checked, test preparedness was the teacher’s responsibility just as much as the student’s.