Chameleon Friend

I had a weird experience yesterday. I was walking with my friend, whom I will call Lucy for the sake of this post. We were leaving first period and going to second and we started talking about schedule changes. I had a change to make to the math class I’m taking next year (I’m doing AP Statistics, which will probably be a mistake) and Lucy mentioned she wanted to get out of this business class she was taking. Then she said “Yeah, I’m going to change my business class to Creative Writing and Elizabethan Lit,” and I thought to myself, “What a coincidence. I’m also taking those two obscure, not very popular (well, Elizabethan Lit is not very popular) short classes.” And I told her that was funny, since I was also taking those classes. I didn’t think Lucy was really interested in either of those things.Then she said, “Yeah, we talked about taking them together, remember?”

Nope.

No, we did not talk about taking those classes together. I must have mentioned to Lucy I had chosen them, but we were not taking them together. Now, this wouldn’t normally be a big deal with any other friend, but Lucy is a Chameleon Friend. She changes what she likes and who she is based on who she is around. It’s like she doesn’t have a real personality, or a genuine personality, because she just copies what everyone else likes. Honestly, its exhausting to be around. I can barely handle having first period with Lucy, and thats Newspaper (which we will have together all year next year) and we also do colorguard together. I already see her all the time! I don’t want to have another class with her. 

When I started Camp Nanowrimo, I began writing while in Newspaper (I had extra time). Lucy kept staring at my computer screen, I could see her out of the corner of my eye. Finally, because I could tell it was bothering her, she asked me what I was doing. The Camp Nanowrimo logo on the website was quite large, and she had done Nanowrimo before, because I was doing it. However, she had only gotten to 2,000 words. So she asked if this was Nanowrimo, and why I was doing it in April. I explained what it was, and shockingly, ten minutes later she was asking me for character names for a new creative writing project she was working on, coincidentally the same time I had started my project.

She gave up this project after a couple days.

Lucy doesn’t just do this to me either. She started liking the same band as one of our friends just because they were listening to it, but Lucy doesn’t listen to their music unless that friend is around. She became “obsessed” with this certain performing group that other members of the colorguard are actually obsessed with, but Lucy’s love for the group isn’t based on anything substantial. Lucy doesn’t have any real friends because she doesn’t have any real connections with people. She decides who she wants to be friends with and imitates them. It becomes a very one-sided friendship, and very exhausting for the friend being imitated.

I hate the territorial feeling I have around Lucy. I want to be like “this is my passion, this is my life, go get your own!” but at the same time if I say anything even partially rude to her, or ignore her, or make her think I’m mad ar her, she freaks out and gets really hurt. Lucy has also wedged herself into my group of friends. I have this circle of friends that has existed since third grade and includes my friends M and J, whom I’ve mentioned on this blog. She’s become friends with all of them, which is not a problem, and they all like her, which is not a problem, but she calls them “our friends” and will tell some of my closest friends things that I want to tell them. Things like we got first in our colorguard competition, or I got a solo or something. I don’t get to share exciting parts of my life with some of my lifelong friends because Lucy, who’s been friends with them for about three years, has already told them.

Its frustrating.

There’s a chance that Lucy and I won’t have Creative Writing and Elizabethan Lit together. Just because we’re taking the same classes doesn’t mean we will have them at the same time. And after senior year, I probably won’t ever see Lucy again. She’s thinking about going to college in a different state and I will most likely stay in state. I guess I should enjoy being her friend while we have the time left, but her chameleon-like personality (or lack thereof of personality) is aggravating.

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6 thoughts on “Chameleon Friend

  1. “Lucy” sounds rather insecure, in my humble opinion. In trying to be accepted and liked by and having “something in common” with everyone, including you, it seems she doesn’t know her own identity. I feel bad for her, actually. I suppose that if you asked her what she enjoys doing in her spare time, her answer would probably include something you do in your spare time?

    It’s hard to talk to this person about it, though, for sure. They’ll take any criticism personally, which aligns with their low self-esteem, and obsess over the slightest perceived put-down. I don’t know what sort of advice to give other than she has to find something that makes her happy. Something she enjoys doing. But as far as you keeping your sanity in the situation… keeping your patience can be trying, but what else can you do? Oftentimes, it’s up to that individual to see their problems on their own before they can change, no matter how many “hints” are thrown their way.

    Hang in there (:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She is absolutely insecure. We try to help her have more confidence occasionally but there’s only so far before you go until you’re frustrated. I mean, its high school. She’ll figure it out eventually. Thanks for understanding.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I agree with you, maybe she is struggling to find her self and the things she likes. Maybe she thinks ” if I copy so and so, then within them i will find something new that I like”.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. wow that is interesting maybe you should just sit down and have a conversation with her, unless she is also sensitive then never mind lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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