Last night was the second time I lost it. I was just laying in my bed, trying to fall asleep. I started thinking about school. I started thinking about precal and how much I don’t understand it. How I’m almost failing it. And how my best friend who sits behind me keeps getting perfect grades (she got a 104 on the last test). Then I realized I was crying. It was weird, the tears were running into my hair. I let myself cry, just to get it out, but then I kept crying more and more and more and I began to feel so overwhelmed. I got out of bed and walked downstairs to get a drink of water. I could barely drink the water because my breaths were coming out in heaves. My parents asked what was wrong and I tried to explain to them I felt really stressed and I didn’t know how I was going to fix my precal grade. I’ve never not understood something so much before. They just glanced at each other and back at me, like I had grown a third head or something (I was crying a lot). They weren’t helping me, they weren’t calming me down.
So I ran into the bathroom and sat on the cold floor. I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. It was scary. I tried to stop, I tried to take deep breaths and calm myself down, but nothing was working. It was actually really terrifying. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my own body; I felt like I had lost my mind.
After about 15 minutes in the bathroom I stopped crying. I prayed, I begged God for peace so I could sleep, and I got it. I crawled back in bed and went to sleep.
The first time some sort of freak out on this scale happened to me I was stressed out about a school project I had to finish for my Physics class and it took me about 40 minutes to calm down. I was going to blog about that one, but when I looked back on it, I decided it could just be freaky teenage girl hormones or something. Nothing special, except for the fact that I can’t control my emotions.
But it happened again. For a second time when I was stressed about school, and not on my period. I know lots of people come to the blogging world because they struggle with something similar. What’s happening to me? What is this? Is it like, an anxiety attack? Or is it simpler, just uncontrolled stress?
How do I deal with this?