It Was Just Music

So lately I’ve been struggling to work out my feelings for J. I still like him, I like spending time with him, talking to him, making him laugh. The question at hand is, does he like me?

(Sorry for the cliche teenage girl post. I can’t help it.)

J never seeks me out. He never texts me. He doesn’t start a conversation with me. Whenever we talk there’s the rest of our friend group around, and typically the conversations involve other people. It just seems like he’s not interested in me. Which is fine, if he’s not interested in me I can move on and get over it. 

But then little things happen, where he remembers something I said or something about me that even my closest friends couldn’t tell you. Or whenever he talks to me he always gives me his full attention, even when other conversations with his closer friends are going on at the same time. Or the way he gets my sense of humor and laughs at all of my jokes, even when they’re just terrible.
I can’t tell. Does he like me? Does he not like me? Am I just one of the many girls that hangs around him? We were all friends in middle school, so maybe I’m just one of his friends instead of a girl he’s interested in.

I’m making this more complicated than it has to be.

And then there’s the issue of my best friend, Em. They dated over the summer, but they don’t now. And I’m pretty sure she’s the one who broke it off. What if he still likes her?

I’ve been trying to ignore all these hormonal teenage thoughts, because they get me nowhere, but they all came rushing back when he started playing piano in the band hall.

He’s good. Like, really good.

I heard it from across the room. I’d seen him play piano before. Once last year he wrote a piano piece for a project (I couldn’t believe he wrote it. It was so amazing). From the moment he started playing I knew it was him, just by listening.

So I went over to the piano, where all of his friends were crowded. He played various songs from Charlie Brown (not just the one that everyone knows), he played parts of our marching show from this year and  last year. He played whatever anyone else suggested. 

I love piano music (even before I knew J) and he is one of the most talented musicians I know. I had been trying to ignore my feelings for J and worry about more important things, but the piano brought it all back. It was just music. Just a Christmas song or two. But music is a beautiful thing. 

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