Dear Queenie,

“Queenie”, my new nickname for the current captain of the colorguard. She has gotten on my nerves for the last time. I was joking with some friends today about her “tyranny” over the guard, and one of them said they were “sick of the matriarchy”, and the last one said “Down with the queen.” And so the name “Queenie” was born.

Never have I met such a terrible leader, such a self-centered matriarch, such an arrogant performer. She had the AUDACITY to complain (on Twitter!!) about a solo she had been given in our new show for this season. None one else has a solo (yet, at least). And she had a solo for the entire marching season and the entire winterguard season last year. We are sick of these “Queenie Shows.” Let someone else have a chance. This was one of the last things she has done that has sparked this letter:

Dear Queenie,

Thank goodness you’re a senior. When you graduate, it will be as if the sky has been taken off my shoulders. I have been cleaning up the messes you make and drying off the tears you’ve caused for too long now. I’m tired of saving people from your wrath. Next year, we won’t refuse to apologize for the problems we create or turn a blind eye to the plights of others.

Queenie, I can’t believe you still live in the delusion that we are friends. Throwing money and gifts at me, taking me and the other guard leaders out to fancy dinners: that doesn’t make us friends. And neither does it stop all the drama that’s been happening between the juniors and the seniors.

Just because it’s inconvenient to you doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility. You are the captain of this colorguard. It’s your job to fix problems. You can’t get paid for your job without doing the work. Oh wait, I forgot: you’re the queen, you’re royalty, you’re better than the rest of us peasants. And work is for peasants, isn’t it, not elite people like yourself.

You refused to acknowledge me and the other juniors when we told you that the other seniors were talking behind our backs and disrespecting us. You refused to do anything when we told you that the disrespect and “seniority” was getting out of hand. That was our fault, Queenie. We didn’t realize you were part of the back-talking and disrespect. You’re quite a meanie, Queenie. 

I still can’t believe that you left your best friend, Kitty, in the dust. You promised her that even though you were named captain, the two of you would share the role, since you were both leaders and both equal in skill. You promised her you would split the rewards and privileges, you said the two of you would be equals. 

But what has Kitty got? Nothing. You took all the rewards for yourself, you replaced her with two brainless chumps, two of the stupidest colorguard leaders I’ve ever met and have had numerous problems with before. You cut Kitty out of your life, leaving her with nothing but a bunch of empty promises.

Well, joke’s on you, Queenie. Your former best friend has sided with me and the other juniors. Your posts on Twitter? The rude ones where you complained about your solo? Yeah, Kitty’s sending them to the guard director. I hope you enjoy the solo you got, because he’s not going to give an ungrateful wench like you another one.

The whole guard has turned against you, Queenie. Have you felt it? Do you see it in their eyes when they look at you, the gleam of disgust, or maybe hatred? There’s jealousy hidden there, slinking among the disapproval and dissatisfaction. At the beginning of the season everyone thought you were so good, so talented, because you had this solo and you were captain. But now… now they can see you were never that good to begin with. And your people skills leave much to be desired. A queen has to be perfect, and sadly, Queenie, you are just a few notches short of perfection.

You’ll realize, too late, that the rewards you’ve enjoyed during your reign will mean nothing once you’ve graduated. What will matter is the mark you’ve made on this guard and the lifelong friends you leave behind.

No one will miss you when you’re gone. Your mark? You’ve made sure that none of the junior leaders will repeat the catastrophic mistakes you’ve made. This guard will sigh with relief when you resign from the throne.

Long live the Queen.


Miss Celadon


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