As I’ve shared in some of my past posts (they are titled “Homecoming” and “High School Drama…”), my best friend and I both like the same guy, whom I will call “J” for privacy and clarity reasons. There have been instances in the past where I’ve tried to let my feelings go for the sake of hers and for the sake of our friendship, but it’s easier said than done. Especially because I’ll talk with him, thinking “It’s okay, we’re just friends, and he’s kind of maybe not dating my best friend so we should be friends” and then I realize how much I enjoy spending time with him. It’s a teenage-angst filled problem, I know, but I’m in high school so what do you expect.
Anyway, I was at a casual party last Saturday with my group of friends, (which includes J and my bestie, whom I will now call Em for clarity of the story) and we were all eating and laughing and having a good time. After about an hour I was bored and wanted to go home. J wasn’t there, he had work, and I see all my other friends at school everyday. This wasn’t super exciting for me. I’ve never liked parties or hanging out with people in a big group. I feel like people get lost in the crowd or left out too easily. And I’m not much of a socialite; things like this make me uncomfortable. So I was texting my mom, asking if she could come pick me up (I’m getting a little closer to getting my driver’s license, but I don’t have it yet) when J texted in the group message that he was almost there.
I texted my mom again, saying maybe I could stay for a little bit longer. I did honestly want to go home though. I wanted to work on my Nanowrimo, read a book, watch Firefly (why are there only 14 episodes?!). I love my friends, and I love hanging out with them, but I was just feeling a little tired of them at the moment. There was a girl there who was a grade younger than the rest of us and obviously had a crush on J. That bothered me. And it bothered me that it bothered me, because I don’t consider myself one of those boy-crazy girls and I don’t want the fact that I like J to effect my friendships.
So I was sitting on the side of the room, kind of by myself, eating and wanting to leave, when J walked in. He has a lot of friends, and all of them greeted them enthusiastically. He said hi/awkwardly hugged each of them (most of his friends that aren’t girls are very strange and awkward people) and then looked up at me.
Maybe this is just wishful thinking or my teen hormone-crazed brain, but I swear his whole face lit up when he saw me. I waved and said hi. He greeted me just as enthusiastically as the rest of his friends.
When the room settled back down, he found a spot on the floor that wasn’t taken. It happened to be right next to me.
Now, I’m a girl, and I’ve been overthinking this part of the night for the past three or four days. He could have sat on the complete opposite side of the room, where his guy friends were. He could have sat by the couch, where Em and the other girls he was friends with were sitting. He could have sat in the middle of the room, next to his best friend. But he sat next to me.
Now I’m not saying this means he likes me, but I’ve kind of been thinking this means he likes me.
We ended up talking throughout the rest of the night. We have the same sense of humor, which is fantastic. I noticed that it makes me really happy whenever I can make him laugh. I honestly just enjoyed spending time with him.
He ended up driving me home at the end of the night, which was really funny because it was midnight and we were both slap-happy.
I learned an interesting tidbit from one of my more nosey friends earlier today. Apparently she had been talking to Em about whether she and J were still together (because it definitely seemed like they weren’t) and she had said they dated a bit over the summer but broke it off after that because it was weird.
I don’t know what that means for me, but it seeems to open up a few new possibilities.