Lately it seems like I’ve been fighting a war against the world, with no one on my side. (I’m over exaggerating to be dramatic. It fits the situation.) Drama has started, rumors have been spread about me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. The people that have been talking about me behind my back smile to my face and tell me everything is all fine and dandy.
If everything is so fine and dandy, then why are you telling people I made you cry? Why would you say that you think I’m an awful leader? If you really think I’m bad at what I do, we should have a conversation about that and do something about it to fix it. It’s so weak, so cowardly, to hide behind others and let your opinions about me roam the general public. Are you scared of me? Are you scared of confrontation? Is this the real reason those rumors are being spread- not because I’m actually bad at what I do but because you’re jealous of the fact that I’m good at it? Perhaps this is just your insecurity choosing to attack me instead of the real problem- you.
My mother always says “It’s none of your business what other people think about you” and she’s pretty smart, so that’s probably right. But it still stings when your words find their way back to me, as rumors always inevitably find their subjects.
The one girl talks about me when she sits off to the side, watching me while the director teaches me my solo. The other talks about me with the first one while I’m leading the other girls in warm-up, since the director gave me the instructions for the day and not them. We three plus a few more are the leadership team, the leadership TEAM, yet we act nothing like a team.
Before, when I said no one was on my side, that was a lie. I have two girls, two good friends of mine, that back me up against the rumor-starting backstabbers. But my friends are never the subject of these rumors. It’s always me.
The rumor-starters think they’re better than us, because they’re seniors and we’re juniors. That’s like a big deal, being a whole year older. That title empowers them and gives them a right to push us around, and anyone else that happens to be younger than them.
I hate that. “Seniority.” Ha. If you want my respect you have to earn it, not demand it. I abhor the way they “lead”, and I don’t make that a secret. I’ve shared my opinions with them a couple times, (speaking to them WAY nicer than I am currently discussing them) but apparently leaders aren’t supposed to help one another improve their leadership skills. She was offended and then continued to talk about me behind my back, this time to the captain of the leadership team, another senior.
After being informed by someone else that she was talking about me, I went to the captain and talked to her myself. We agreed that something needed to be done before this drama got even more out of hand. There was a leadership meeting this morning. Nothing was resolved. I fear that the worst of the drama is yet to come.